A friend's passing has left me with an unsettling question: What happens next?
The Unspoken Will
My friend and I had a conversation that left me feeling awkward and uncertain. He mentioned writing a will and including me in it, but I didn't know how to respond. We were both in our 60s, healthy, and had recently lost our parents, so end-of-life discussions were on our minds. It was a responsible move, and we had even consulted lawyers. But our friendship was unique; we didn't share many mutual friends, and I knew he had a brother and sister, though their relationship was distant.
I recently learned of his sudden passing due to a massive heart attack. I knew he had recently parted ways with a long-term partner, and our mutual friend managed to locate his brother's contact information. The brother mentioned they were still in shock and would notify me if any memorial plans were made. Now, I'm left wondering about the details of the will, my potential inheritance, and the executor's identity.
Navigating the Probate Process
Dear reader, if you're named in a will, you should receive notification. When someone passes away, their will typically goes through probate, a process where assets are settled. The executor, the person responsible for carrying out the will's instructions, is required to notify all beneficiaries, usually by regular mail. It might even be certified, depending on the state's regulations.
However, this process can be lengthy. Even filing for probate can take weeks, and if your friend's passing is recent, it's understandable that you haven't received any updates yet. His family is likely dealing with a lot, and these matters take time.
If several months pass without any news, you can check the probate court in the county where your friend resided. Once wills are filed, they become public, and you can search the court's online records or contact the clerk's office to inquire about an estate opened under your friend's name. This is a straightforward process that won't inconvenience anyone still grieving.
But here's where it gets controversial: not all estates go through formal probate. If your friend set up a trust, the notification process might differ, and the filing won't be public. In such cases, if you've waited patiently and heard nothing, reaching out to the family or consulting an attorney might be your only reasonable option.
And this is the part most people miss: your friend might not have followed through on his promise. People often discuss their plans without finalizing them. If he never revised his will, you might not be included after all.
So, what should you do? Nothing, for now. Give it time. If you're named as a beneficiary and probate is required, you'll be notified. If months pass and you're still curious, the probate court is your starting point.
The Grasshoppers and the Ants
Dear Pay Dirt,
I'm proud of my academic achievements and my work as a humanities professor, but my salary is a mere $60,000. Discussing money with friends who earn twice as much is challenging. I understand that a six-figure income doesn't guarantee luxury, but when they lament about tight finances and how every little bit helps, it's hard not to feel judged for my occasional takeout or cocktail.
Their side hustle earns more than my annual income! Am I being judged for my spending habits? Should I be more anxious about retirement? I contribute to my Roth IRA, have a CD, savings, and a mortgage, but I also enjoy the occasional indulgence. I feel like a grasshopper among ants, always scurrying to keep up.
A Sound Financial Perspective
Dear Help,
Lifestyle inflation is a real phenomenon. People with higher incomes may still feel financially strained due to larger expenses. Their financial stress is genuine, but it doesn't reflect on your choices. People often judge others' financial situations because money is a complex and challenging topic.
But here's the thing: what others think of you is none of your business. Adopting this mindset allows you to make sound financial decisions aligned with your priorities. Financially, it seems you're on the right track. Online retirement calculators can provide guidance, but they often assume higher savings rates than most people can comfortably achieve. You're already maxing out your Roth IRA, have savings, a CD, and are managing your mortgage.
You're also enjoying life in the present, which is a challenge for many. If you wish to save more, consider lifestyle deflation. Cut back on expenses by a certain percentage, say 10%, and boost your retirement savings with those funds. See how it feels. You might be the ant, quietly building a stable financial future. Without knowing your exact expenses, it's challenging to provide a detailed assessment, but overall, it sounds like you're doing well.
-Kristin
